


How to Piss Off Takasugi Shinsuke

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Series: 刺し子 — Sashiko [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Anger, Character Study, Crack, Cultural References, Dark Comedy, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Gen, Humor, Japanese Culture, Kimono, Lists, Murder, POV First Person, Rants, Snark, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:39:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9788138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: Things I loathe beside this hopelessly corrupted world.EDIT:Comes with glossary of Japanese terms.





	

**The fact that** your name is homophonous with "too tall" and your actual body height suggests the complete contrary. Bonus points if your (old) friend doesn't stop poking fun at you for it.

 **When you are** about to agree to go catch a 3-D movie with your subordinates and you remember that you have no depth perception.

 **Few things are** more infuriating than when your assistant plays rock music on his shamisen in the next room when you're trying to sleep.

 **I get the urge** to blast my ship into pieces when I have to wake up early for some reason and end up wrapping my eye with my _obi_ and tie my kimono with the bandage. I nearly gouged out the eye of one of my soldiers when he kept laughing as he pointed out my blunder. He could, and should, have been more courteous to his superior.

 **Fangirls** who want to join the Kiheitai only to touch my bare chest. I especially dedicate this point to you, Kijima.

 **When you hear** someone singing karaoke and they are singing off-beat, or when you're performing a duet and your partner keeps missing the beat. In short, any time someone messes up the beat of a musical piece, it brings an indescribable pain to my heart as well as makes me want to beat some sense of rhythm into that person.

 **Every single time** someone tells you that you need to fix your laugh.

 **Strawberry-flavored Yakult.** Think about the implications. _Think about it._

 **Yakult-flavored _nmaibō._** Implications aside, one can't help but wonder _why does this world have to ruin every good thing for me_?

 **For some reason,** whenever I go eat _nagashi-sōmen,_ I always end up at the end of the flume and as a result only get about three strands of noodles if I'm extremely lucky. If this isn't one of the way this fucked-up world dumps shit on me, then I don't know what is.

 **When you have** just finished writing something and picks up your pipe to start smoking and then realize that it's your pen that is between your lips. Bonus points if it's the tip that is in your mouth, and you can taste bitter ink on your tongue.

 **Sedge hats** whose straps are not tight enough, making you feel like they're about to fall off of your head any moment.

 **On the other hand,** those whose straps are so tight they bite into your chin and threaten to choke you to death.

 **When you not** only have to lead an army, you also have to be its Only Sane Man.

 **When your scalp** itches underneath your bandages and there's no way to scratch it.

 **You decide to** go to a festival at which the Shogun isn't even showing up because of the fireworks, and it is extremely crowded.

 **Speaking of festivals,** I once went to this one where they sold _takoyaki_ _with no octopus in them_. That's not _takoyaki,_ that's just _yaki,_ you idiots!

 **Every time** whoever's on cooking duty decides to make hot pot or _kamameshi_ for dinner and then you have to sit and eat with your subordinates, especially a certain annoying sniper fangirl. Talk about having no alone time.

 **Or every time** _I'_ _m_ on cooking duty. Don't ask why.

 **When your subordinate** carelessly spills his drink onto your expensive kimono _with real gold leaves applied onto its surface_ , which is extremely hard to clean.

 **A friend who** nitpicks your manners every time you meet him as though it is unacceptable to be anything other than a male _yamato nadeshiko_. Bonus points if his and your teacher who taught both of you manners in the first place was nowhere as uptight as he is.

 **Or the fact that**  said friend has what seems to be the most beautiful hair in the entire series. Every time you walk by and your silky ebony locks trail behind you in the air like a dark river… Oh, how you hurt me so!

 **There was once** a fellow who commented that my _kitsuke_ was incorrect when he wanted to join the Kiheitai. When I told him whether I wore my kimono correctly or not was neither my nor his concern, he looked as me with disgust and terror. I slew him on the spot.

 **Valentine's Day,** no question. Don't you just loathe it when fangirls keep sending you chocolate when you have made it perfectly clear to them that you are in no way interested in them whatsoever.

 **Worse yet,** White Day. The same fangirls would then insist that you _send them chocolate back_. This is why I must destroy this rotten world and said shitty holiday _forever_.

 **Someone who** carries on living a carefree life amidst a fucked-up-beyond-repair world. I can't comprehend such idiots.

 **Every time** someone calls me Dio Brando, whoever the fuck that person is. Same goes for Aokiji, Hyuuga Kojirou, Fujimiya Aya, Bobobo-bo, Mu La Flaga, Annoying High-pitched Bat, [Creepy-looking Lantern](https://dengekionline.com/elem/000/001/442/1442162/onmyojigame_02_cs1w1_800x400.jpg)…

 **The possibility that** I might end up sitting here for eternity listing things I hate and it would _still_ not be enough.

 **Now, now, Gintoki,** don't tell me after all those years under Shouyou-sensei's tutelage, you still don't know who Sei Shōnagon was.

 **The fact that** all my closest subordinates are all behind me right now, and one of them has just said that this is going to be published.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Glossary:**  
>  _Nagashi-sōmen_ (流し素麺): Japanese wheat noodles ( _sōmen_ ) eaten as they float down a stream of cold water. Sort of like conveyor belt sushi, except it is one-way and the noodles that reach the end of the stream are often discarded.  
>  _Kamameshi_ (釜飯): rice steamed with various other ingredients in a pot called _kama_. It is a communal dish.  
>  _Yamato nadeshiko_ (大和撫子): the ideal Japanese woman stereotype; "stands like a _shakuyaku_ , sits like a peony, walks like a lily" among other things.
> 
> Do you remember the _sukiyaki_ episode? Man, I wonder what happens if there is a _kamameshi_ episode…


End file.
